Anthem of the Dead
by NeonZangetsu
Summary: Some doors should never be open. Some forces should never return. A foolish sorceress meddles with events beyond her ken and brings back a terror to the world...though not quite the terror she was expecting. Now the DC universe must contend with a prank-loving, ramen eating, womanizing blond...fresh from the dead! NarutoxHarem!
1. Birth

**A/N: Yoyoyoyoyoyo! Miss me, guys?! I got this idea from rewatching Justice League, and, something occurred to me. Not too many Naruto crossovers here. Even fewer that're NarutoxHarem and written well. So I took it upon myself to do something about it. Then I wondered how to go about it. Something that hadn't been done before by me, or the behest of my knowledge, others as well. and lets face is Justice League is a veritable font of ideas pertaining to that.**

**The premise, you ask? A certain sorceress meddles in affairs-and lives-she shouldn't and revives a long dead being. Problem? He's not quite the evil entity she's looking for. End result...**

**...ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE. Yes, this is harem. Yes, this follows the events of Justice League and Unlimited. Yes, all ideas are welcome. Yes, I own nothing. And yes...**

**...this is going to be one hell of a ride. Funny as hell, too! Sorry if its short! Truth be told, I felt a little bad for Tala, so this also, in part, a little redemption for her...just not in the way she'd like.**

_"_"Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia. Fear of the number thirteen is called triskaidekaphobia. Fear of me, well...sweetheart, that's just called common sense."

_~?_

**Anthem of the Dead**

_Death sucks._

_Take it from someone who's been there-you do _not_ want to spend an eternity wandering the arid plains of Tartarus. There's nothing to do! Nothing! Zip! Zilch! Nadda! _

_A big honking fat sack of absolute boring!_

_Everyone you talk to is either wailing in torment or too knee-deep in their miseries to notice say so much as two words to ya. The lighting is awful, the smell makes your eyes water, food is terrible-no ramen!-and there are no women to speak of beyond withered husks you wouldn't so much as shake a _stick_ at. Did I mention the women?_

_No! Women!_

_Granted, I wasn't much of a lover in my lifetime, then again, I died young after the war. But when you've had a few centuries, or was it millenia, to think, to contemplate, to feel the cool brush of insanity creeping upon your mind, you start to wonder. To seethe, to curse the fates damning you to the pits for bearing a demon's soul. To lose your mind, and regain it, you begin to wonder. What would it be like to live again? To start over, have another life. A better life._

_A life with friends. Family. A LIFE. Not some hollow existence living as a withered spirit, a flawed union of two beings. My death was in part my doing; one, because I thought it'd be fun to travel. And two, because I had made the mistake of upsetting a freakishly strong woman-an Amazon-who decided to break me into pieces. Back then, I wanted nothing more than that dream. To be honest, I still want it. So I_

_And if, perchance, one had the opportunity, if someone were to, I don't know...open the door for you..._

_...you'd do whatever you could to step through to that life._

* * *

Tala was a meddler.

A sorceress and spell-caster both, she liked to stick her nose where it didn't belong. Meddle in affairs beyond her ken. It'd been this way ever since she was a little girl; could be traced and attributed back to her parents and their parents, and their parent's parents. It was who she was. It defined her. She liked it. Power defined the strong,

She didn't need to be loved, she told herself. She needed only to rule.

And with this, she _would_ rule.

With _this_, the entity whose identity she'd discerned within her blackest of black tomes, nothing would be able to stop her. This creature, this demon, would pave the way for all her ambitions and more. Forget ruling the universe. Too many planets to control, too many people to subjugate. With this, she wouldn't need to worry about anyone. Anything.

No more of this Cadmus, of her dead mentor pestering her, of the Justice League, of anyone. She would be the one in charge!

Months had been spent preparing this ritual, and now, at long last, she felt she was truly ready to begin.

The final line was drawn, the pentagram finished, chalk etched into a circle just beyond the altar. They'd assured her that this room was shielded both magically and otherwise. Nothing would be able to enter, or leave, without express permission. Hopefully those safeguards would hold, even if they'd never been intended for this purpose.

If not, well...

_"Oh, dark spirit,"_ she intoned, her accented voice echoing out across the chamber, _"By the power of my blood, by the slaughter of the innocents, I bid thee, hear my voice!" _Her hands beckoned, purple streamers of fire flicking from her fingertips, trailing across the altar._ "Come forth! Come forth from the blackest pits of Tartarus, come forth. Come forth, follow my voice, enter your vessel, and become whole once again!"_

Scarlet flames answered her, the candles of the altar changing from violet to an ugly red. The portal opened, and a dark tether found her, latching onto her chest.

_"Yes!"_ she cried! _"COME! Come to me! Come to your master!"_

Ebon light filled the chamber, snuffing out the candles with a single breath. A silence followed.

Then all hell broke loose.

Something took her power, the power of the ritual, and drew on it. Drew _hard._ Tala felt her legs give out beneath her, body folding like a wet paper bag. Breath exploded from her lungs as someone-something-took her magical reserves and drained them to nothingness in mere moments. A sonorous voice like thunder droned overhead, sending her very bones aquiver.

**"I! RETURN!"**

Wind keened. A beast roared. Elemental forces snarled, tearing cracks in the high, vaulted ceiling. Tala flinched as rubble crashed down around her, eyes widening. It sounded as though the very room was about to tear itself to pieces, shake apart under the magnitude of the ground quake consuming the building. And then, just as swiftly as it had begun, the ritual ended. Whatever had been draining her ceased; no longer suckling from her lifeforce like an infant at the teat.

Slowly, hesitantly, Tala raised her gaze from where she lay.

_There he was._

Confusion, fear, then terror; all these emotions came on all at once as she beheld him. No. No, that wasn't possible. Not possible! Had she used the wrong spell? Misinterpreted the ritual, somehow? Yes, that must be it; because nothing else made sense. Nothing could explain it.

Because there, crouched on the dais, was not the form of a beast as she had expected. Not a fox, a demon, or a creature, even. It was...a man.

Shrouded in thick smoke-his lithe body was wreathed in a black cloak, glimmers of orange fabric peeking out beneath. Saffron hair streaked with red framed a whiskered face from sapphire eyes shone, blazing blue orbs outlined against dark sclera. He rose slowly, towering over her, eyes falling upon his hands. Raised them. Clenched. Made a fist. He chuckled then; it was a deep, throaty sound.

"Ah, a body again at last." he sounded quite pleased with himself as he regarded the destruction created by his arrival, perversely so. "Stronger than the last one, too. Its been so long. Now...

_"Seyah!"_

When he moved, she saw it. Saw him for what he was.

His fist cracked down, shattering the dais and altar like so much glass. Ground became rubble beneath that blow, jagged fissures forming from this single strike. Another blow obliterated the wall at his back, sending hot shards of sunlight lancing out through the now opened exit.

"Oh, yes. Very nice indeed. Now, if I can just find some ramen..."

Before the dust from his second strike had even settled he'd begun to move; his boots thudding quietly against the broken steps as he unwittingly made his way to where she lay. Tala tried not to whimper. What was he _what was this creature?_ He looked like a man, yet, when she gazed upon him with her sixth sense she saw a being of pure energy. His heart beat as a man's might, and there was blood in his veins, but beyond that she knew this was no mortal creature. This was...was...

"W-What is this?"

He saw her, then.

"Hmm? It seems I have you to thank for my return." Those eerie blue-black eyes snapped towards her, whiskered cheeks pinching in a sly smile. "Such a good girl, plucking me out of hell, like that. I think you deserve a reward. Yes, a reward...

"S-Stay back!"

He came closer to her still, never once looking away.

"Let me think about tha-no."

"You...You should be obeying me...

"Nope." Blue flashed into crimson, his boots carrying him steadily closer. "Not my master. You can't command me. And for that, you lose your reward. Be a good girl and die now, would you kindly?"

Die? DIE?! Oh spirits, he meant to kill her!

"What? Never!" her hands shot out with the last of her waning strength, magical tethers leaping from nothingness to restrain the approaching blond. All it did was earn her a scoffing snort.

"Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia." he continued blithely, striding seamlessly forward, the magical shackles slithering from his body, hissing like so many small and terrified snakes. "Fear of the number thirteen is called triskaidekaphobia. Fear of me, well...that's just called common sense. Now hold still, this won't hurt a bit...

The sorceress yelped and scrambled backwards like a drunken crab. Hand over foot she crawled away-until she realized she could no longer move. A solid door, locked and warded, barred her escape. The other passage lay across the hall and_...him!_

"N-N-N-No...please...don't! Don't! Don't do...this! I b-beg of you! Mercy! " Tala found herself inexplicably frozen as he came closer, unable to move when those deceptively clawed fingers curled beneath her chin. Those soulless orbs peered into her white ones, terrified beyond belief, and for a jagged eternity, nothing happened. When he finally moved, finally spoke, she was caught completely, utterly flatfooted.

_"Gotcha."_

"Wha-eep!"

Tala's response turned into a startled squeak as those strong limbs reached down, plucking her off the ground and tugging her face to his with contemptuous ease. Lips greeted hers, softly, the chaste kiss driving those last faded terrors away, pushing them to the back of her mind.

Incredibly she found herself lifted again, pulled her into his chest as though she were some sort of blushing bride. Preposterous, her mind cried. Her body, however, said otherwise. Slender arms instinctively circled his neck, holding tight, her head falling against the hard plane of chest. A rumble passed through that solid surface, softly at first, but then she began to wonder, ponder, until-

He burst out laughing.

"HA! You should've seen it! The look on your face! Priceless.

"Princess, if you knew me-if you really knew me-ya'd know this: I don't kill girls. Certainly not pretty ones. But...I think I'll be keeping you. Wouldn't do to ditch the first pretty face I come across, after all." Before those words could sink in his hand shot out, knifing into her neck and all but driving her under. Naruto hummed thoughtfully to himself and then, picking a direction, started walking, his hostage in tow.

A boot shot out, kicking open yet _another _wall, towards which he strode.

"Now then...

...who to prank first?"

**A/N: There we go! A grey Naruto who delights in one thing and one thing only. CHAOS! Well, that and women, but its the chaos that counts lol**

**So...in the Immortal Words Atlas..**

**...Review, Would You Kindly? And of course, enjoy the preview! Epic battle unfolding!**

**(Preview)**

_Naruto blinked._

_"A kryptonian," he breathed, wiping the blood from his mouth. "I've heard about those. And an Amazon. Fascinating. Never thought I'd see one again."_

_Kara balked. "Um...what? How're you still standing after that."_

_Diana shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine..._

_"Come at me, both of you," a hand waved, beckoning them to come hither. "Lets see if you hit as hard as your ancestors."_

**R&amp;R! =D**


	2. Ramen First! Then The Ladies!

**A/N: Yoyoyoyoyoyo! Miss me, guys?! I got this idea from rewatching Justice League, and, something occurred to me. Not too many Naruto crossovers here. Even fewer that're NarutoxHarem and written well. So I took it upon myself to do something about it. Then I wondered how to go about it. Something that hadn't been done before by me, or the behest of my knowledge, others as well. and lets face is Justice League is a veritable font of ideas pertaining to that.**

**The premise, you ask? A certain sorceress meddles in affairs-and lives-she shouldn't and revives a long dead being. Problem? He's not quite the evil entity she's looking for. End result...**

**...ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE. Yes, this is harem. Yes, this follows the events of Justice League and Unlimited. Yes, all ideas are welcome. Yes, I own nothing. And yes...**

**...this is going to be one hell of a ride. Funny as hell, too! Sorry if its short! And I do want to clarify something. Naruto is very much like a God in this. He only lost-died-to an Amazon because of his blasted code of honor, dictating they fight hand-to-hand. As to just WHAT he is, well, you'll soon see. A more detailed description of him in this chapter should help.**

**Remember, this Naruto craves attention; within good reason. If you were stuck in hell with no one to talk to, you'd be pretty starved for human contact. He just...has a weird, warped way of going about it. Now...**

**...enjoy! This chapter is a little derpy, silly, and all around fun, I hope it makes ya'll smile!**

_...this? THIS is your idea of fun?"_

_"Quite."_

_"You haven't DONE anything yet!"_

_"Wait for it, Tala-chan..._

_"Wait for what-_

_BANG!_

**_"That."_**

_...you...you glorious bastard..."_

_~the first in a long, long, LOOOOOONG line of pranks._

**Ramen First, Then The Ladies!**

_The future is awesome._

_That is all I have to say. Sooooo many buildings! So many beautiful women! So much technology! And books! BOOKS! Hell, there's even a manga named after me! An actual comic book! Of course, they got most of my later history completely wrong. Completely, totally, horribly wrong. She was not sealed. Tala says I ought to set the record straight, so here it is, the written account of the last days of my life before my first death, the death that changed me and made me who I am today._

_Well, here goes nothing:_

_I, Uzumaki Naruto, stepped over the corpses of my comrades not to seal, but to ABSORB Kaguya, a primordial god, and I did it alone. In essence I tried to do what she'd done to just about everyone else._

_Pretty ballsy, right?_

_To try and consume a supernatural entity, destroy her soul, and take her body to replace my dying one. It was, in my mind, the ultimate prank. She never saw it coming. I didn't seal her. Because I couldn't. Sasuke, the bastard, sacrificed himself to give me the opening, and Kurama all but destroyed himself holding the connection open. Do I regret their deaths? Do I wish I could've kept them, my last two friends, alive?_

_Trust me, I tried! You ever done something like that? By yourself? Alright, maybe someone out there has._

_...but after killing your best friend? Nope!_

_Not possible!_

_End result; I failed. She didn't have enough strength to kill me, and, when all was said and done, I wasn't able to kill her either. We ended up a failed union of two beings, two souls grappling for one body with the world burning around us. By the time I DID wrest control from her, the Elemental Nations were little more than fire and brimstone, thus spurring my little journey to the distant lands. Ah, I think you're starting to understand it now, reader of this diary of mine. Yes, exactly so;_

_I was looking to die. All of my being wanted simply to perish, so I could join my friends. But not by my own hand. __I wanted to die the only way I knew how._

_With a bang._

_So when I eventually found the island of Themyscira, I did the most outrageous thing I could think to do. I waltzed right up to someone-probably their leader, in all likelihood judging from the reactions-and swatted her on the behind. She had me dead in under three seconds. But in death, there was no release. Only damnation._

_Part of the reason why we were damned to Tartarus when I committed suicide by Amazon, deliberately weakening myself so she could slay me._

_Needless to say it backfired horribly._

_The Fates didn't look none too kindly on Kaguya's actions. Nor did they approve of her soul and mine; on either, really, so that's the gist of that. It didn't matter that I tamed her during my stay in the pits, that I made the Goddess responsible for murdering my friends, my family, my EVERYTHING whimper and call me master. To their eye, I was still guilty, and even with my newfound powers, I couldn't truly break free._

_Until now, there was no happily ever after for me once I realized I'd died for nothingbut hey, I'm flattered my life was considered important enough to be chronicled at all. Even inaccurately. But now I'm back, and I aim to correct those mistakes._

_Yup, I'm pleased to note one more thing about the future..._

_...ramen. Yup, I said it. Because..._

_...THEY STILL HAVE RAMEN! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEN!_

_ViVA LA RAMEN, DATTEBAYO!_

* * *

Amanda Waller did _not_ like Ramen.

She'd always hated the stuff as a little girl. Meat and potatoes were more her thing-ha!-than the noodley broth most of her men seemed to prefer. She liked things with substance, character. Ramen, in her opinion, was not something that defined very good character. So no, she did not like Ramen. At all. She disliked the taste, the simplicity of it, just about everything that had anything to do with the foul pasta.

Now she REALLY hated it.

Apparently someone had thought it a wonderful idea to flood the labs with the stuff-including her office. That alone would have been a minor inconvenience but for one small, _tiiiiiny_ problem; for every gallon of the stuff that her men cleared away, three more seemingly materialized from nowhere. It was a never-ending mess, and they couldn't get rid of it.

Now, in addition to Tala's defection and a MASSIVE security breach, they had entire corridors filled with massive rivers of noodles and broth both! Ramen tended to smell when you left it out for too long. After hours of seemingly fruitless cleanup, everyone had to wear masks just to avoid passing out.

Galatea wasn't exactly thrilled with the cleanup either, certainly not when she was still on the mend from an apocalyptic torment herself, one she emphatically refused to speak of. From what their techies had been able to deduce on camera, the escapee in question had immediately trapped her mind in some kind of illusion the moment she tried to stop him. No punches had been thrown between the two, but...

...well, the poor girl still spasmed whenever someone mentioned the ramen.

Currently, the seething kryptonian clone was regulated to clean up duty with the rest of the staff. Though it pleased her to see Galatea doing something genuinely useful for once, the anger still needled Waller. What in the nine circles of hell was going on here-

"Ma'am!"

Mercifully, those thoughts found themselves derailed as a familiar presence made itself known. She didn't have to look to know it was Eiling, the hoarse bark of his voice gave him away almost immediately. Out of sheer respect, if nothing else, she turned to acknowledge him. He looked a little grim in the face-no doubt from being forced to wade through a thigh-high river of noodles in his dress greens-but the only sign of displeasure in that stern face lurked in the eyes.

"At ease, general."

He immediately proffered her a small envelope.

"I found this in your office, ma'am."

"Impossible." she snatched it out of his hand. "Its already been cleared."

"Well...it was unexpected."

For all his bluster, Eiling had a fair point. They knew next to nothing here; only that Tala had somehow summoned him from the beyond before subsequent capture/defection. With nothing to go on bar his appearance, it was like grasping at straws If this message could somehow enlighten them to his intentions towards Cadmus, well...it was worth the risk.

Frowning, she read it over.

_"Thanks for the meal ticket! I'll be back to visit you guys later. Tell the blond chick I said hi! Assuming she's still sane..._

_Sincerely,_

_~Your Worst Nightmare._

Waller stared at the card for a long moment, uncomprehending.

Unconsciously, she felt her jaw clench. Her fingers tightened, crumpling the message into a ball. When she found out who he was, how he was responsible for this insanity...

...death would seem a mercy by comparison!

* * *

...this? THIS insanity is your idea of fun?"

Naruto looked up from both his journal and a long-awaited meal, mouth still crammed full of noodles. When he immediately tried to respond to her inquiry, Tala silenced him with a glower. By the pit, if it weren't for the knowledge that this being was essentially a _God_ in human form, she might've simply given up and walked away.

As it were, she was still seriously considering the matter. She'd tried to bind a tainted God to her will and failed miserably. That, and the fact that Cadmus had probably all but blacklisted her. Operatives would no doubt even now being given orders to capture/shoot her on sight, as well as her impomptu summon. A summon who was now, trying to speak to her, with his maw currently engorged on brothy noodles!

"Do not be speaking with your mouth full!"

"Mhmmfhmrryboufhat." Raising a finger for silence he swallowed mightily, impossibly cramming four bowls worth of broth down his gullet in a single gulp. "Ahhhhhh, there we go." he patted his stomach, still flat despite the rapid inhalation of food, and snapped his journal shut, secreting it away somewhere on his person. "But yeah, to answer your questions; this is pretty much my definition of fun while I'm waiting for one of my pranks to go off."

"Pranks?"

A blond head bobbed happily.

"Yup. Should be ready any minute now."

"There _are_ no pranks, master!" The term slipped out as her small, manicured hands slapped down on the counter-top, causing the poor owner to flinch. "You haven't DONE anything yet since we came to Metropolis but eat noodles and write in your journal!"

"Haven't I?" he asked, reaching out to brush a long strand of hair from her face. The sorceress sputtered.

"Y-You have not!"

Metropolis _was_ a good place to hide, especially when one considered how far it was from Central City, but her magick had only barely gotten them here in the first place. That, and the Demon Lord, or "Naruto" as he oh-so-stubbornly insisted on calling himself, was making absolutely no efforts to remain inconspicuous.

The horns didn't help, either!

Honestly, she didn't know what to make of the man. With her mind's eye she could still see the tether that connected him to her, bound his life to hers. Those red horns were there was well, as was the strange slit upon his forehead-containing a third eye, mayhaps-and add to that his towering height of nearly six feet, he looked quite fearsome.

But if he insisted on only eating ramen and playing pranks when there really were none at all-

"You are incorrect, madam!" As though seizing upon that very thought, a clawed finger suddenly thrust itself before her face. That sly, sinister smile was decidedly telling. "In the time it took you to finish that sentence, in the time that it's taken _me_ to eat these fifty bowls of ramen, I've sent out nearly three dozen clones. They've been quite busy for the last hour or so. You said so yourself; Metropolis is a big place. You'd be surprised at what my boys can do in a city like this."

"And what, exactly, would they do?"

Impossibly, the blond's grin grew. "Tell me, Tala-chan...are you familiar with genjutsu?"

Tala paused at that, considering. "I...cannot say that I am, master."

"Silly girl," he swatted her on the back of the head, "Thought I told you to stop calling me that. Anywho, think of a genjutsu as something similar to your magic." Naruto waved a hand, conjuring up a small pile of yen in one hand, then banishing it with another. "Illusion magic, to be precise actually. Oh, it would be easy for me to use Creation of All things to actually make something, but this is more _fun."_

"Fun...how?" Her blank expression must've been telling; because he casually continued.

"Well," he steepled his fingers, folding both arms neatly behind his head as he turned to look at the grand city, "Currently, I'm projecting a wide field over the entire city. Nothing elaborate of course-just enough to make everything think that nothing's changed. My clones are doing the same. I'm doing the same to you for now, so it won't spoil the surprise. When you told me about this "Justice League" everyone seems to be so fond of, I thought to myself, what better way to dray them out? Always wanted to fight a Superhero...

"Clones?" she sputtered, pale eyes narrowing. "You lie. I saw you create no such thing during our escape."

"Ninjas are tricksy." came the mysterious reply. "Now, wait for it...

Tala paled.

"Wait for what-

**BANG!**

Naruto cackled, his voice booming over the noise.

_"COME AND GET ME, SUPES!"_

* * *

_(A few minutes earlier...)_

Kara Zor-El, was not happy.

With her cousin worlds away, it was up to her to keep Metropolis safe during his momentary absence. Supergirl knew that. Understood. She even felt a little humbled by the trust-the faith-he had placed in her. She did not however, understand why Wonder Woman had to accompany her on patrol?! Why?!

So much for the faith and trust!

"I'm not a part of the Justice League, technically." she grumbled, diving around a corner. "I don't _need_ a babysitter."

The older woman's amused laugh did nothing to soothe her ragged nerves. In a surprising burst of speed the Amazon shot ahead of her, alighting on a nearby ledge.

"Don't think of it like that. Consider it a girls day out. Just the two of us. We could even go shopping, if nobody tries to destroy the world today."

Kara scoffed, unable to hide a smile at the thought. "Alright, now that I_ like-_

**BANG!**

Both women nearly jumped clear out of their skin when they heard the explosion. It sounded off with a deafening bang, a wall of rippling energy roiling forward and then...Metropolis wasn't Metropolis anymore. Well, it still was, it just wasn't the one they knew...

"What the hell?!"

Diana's reaction was more subdued, but no less profound.

"Oh...Hera...

That was when they heard the shout.

_"COME AND GET ME, SUPES!"_

* * *

**BANG!**

A harsh series of pops reached Tala's ears all at once, nearly deafening her completely. The city seemed to inexplicably implode on itself, everything flashing a blinding shade of white. When her vision finally cleared, she wasn't entirely sure what she was looking at. Everything was so...so bright! What the devil was she looking at...

"What did you do?!"

"That." he pointed, grinning, at the rotund symbol of the Daily Planet. "Look up there...and then look down." She did, using the bright blue sky to pick out the details amidst the endless blur of color lurking before what had once been a mottled blur of bland cyan and gray.

_Not anymore!_

The great globe had been transformed into the likeness of the blond's own face. In place of the Daily Planet, it now said the Daily Naruto. He hadn't stopped there, either.

"Orange." the word tumbled out past her lips. He'd painted the entire city orange. And no one had noticed until now! The! Entire! City! Of Metropolis! But that wasn't all. Everything was either dripping in orange paint or covered in kanji, and if she read correctly, some of it read something along the lines of_ "All Hail Me!"_ or some such nonsense. And..._"Tala-chan is awesome!"_ An uncomfortable flushed crept up the back of her neck, nigh but crawling across her face until she was certain her entire visage was very much the crimson.

"Well, well? Pretty awesome, right?"

Naruto suddenly looked remarkably like a puppy begging for a treat. Tala was actually surprised that the blond had this side to him; despite all the wanton destruction he'd wrought escaping from Cadmus, he really was a lover at heart.

...you...you glorious bastard..."

She was fairly certain if he'd had a tail, it would have been wagging. "Hehehehe, I thought you'd like that-oh." Her master blinked, turning his head to the south. "Sounds like I've already attracted some atten-

Whatever else he might've said died as a flying kick smashed into his face.

The blow came from nowhere and everywhere; one moment he'd been standing up; the next a heel caromed off his face and sent him shooting into the air. Tala barely even saw it; were it not for the streak of red-white that followed him into the skies, she might have thought he simply leaped into the air. Another blur followed, hurtling into the heavens after him. Damn...

...what she wouldn't give to fly right now!

"Sheesh, it was just a harmless prank." the blond's amplified voice boomed down at her.

"What have you done to Metropolis?!"

"Why, I painted it orange." Naruto blinked, baffled by her line of question. "I think its a very nice color, and lets face it, the face," he snickered, "Is an obvious improvement. Because lets face it, anything called the Daily Planet really needs to be changed. The Daily Naruto sounds much better, don'tcha thin-oops!"

His hand shot out, interposing itself between him and what would've doubtlessly been a fairly powerful punch. To his surprise, she nearly budged him. Just a little. Her knee met his, an iron wall of muscle taking her kick and rendering it impotent. "Hey, hey, don't kick me there. I wanna have kids someday, ya know? Off ya go!"

A flick of the wrist launched her backwards with all the force of a hellfire missile; Wonder Woman narrowly catching her before she could crash into a building. In almost no time at all, and to his delight, the little blonde was up again, looking more irked than ever. A throw like that should've left her with serious whiplash. And yet...

"Ah, so you must be a kryptonian," he breathed, wiping a thin line of blood from the corner of his mouth. "Heard about those from Tala. Freakishly strong." Those eerie blue/black eyes swiveled, focusing on Diana. "And you, you're...an Amazon? Fascinating. Never thought I'd see one again. Gives me a chance to fight for real after Hippolyta kicked my ass!"

Diana bristled, her world reeling.

"How do you know my mother?!"

There was a silence. When the horned blond started laughing, no one was prepared for it. It started softly at first, a slow chuckle, building in his chest; then it erupted into a full blow cackle, his head snapping backward as if he were laughing at the very heavens themselves. His very body shook, his hands forming a tent over his face in a vain attempt to contain his mirth. It took everything she had not to dive forward and beat answers out of him, make him spit out the knowledge with his teeth.

"Will you please take this seriously?!

"Oh...I'm sorry," he sniffed, wiping a mirthful tear from his eye as he struggled for composure. "Its just...this is too good to be true! Really! Ha! You're...her daughter! Wow, I guess the fates don't hate me all that much after all. I'm really going to enjoy this. So? Anymore tricks?"

"I've got one!"

Heat blossomed in his face as a pair of twin lances struck him in the chin. Hmm. It tickled. A blink snuffed them out, leaving the lightest of burns on his tan visage.

"Hey, that felt pretty good. Got rid of an awful crick in my neck."

Kara balked. "Um, sorry...what? How're you still standing after that?"

Diana shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine...

"Gods don't die unless they want to." Naruto quoted sagely. "And I've no intention of doing that this time. Come at me, both of you," a hand waved, beckoning them to come hither and fight. "Lets see if you hit as hard as your ancestors. You _might_ be a good warm up. Maybe. If I hold back-

He twisted aside as Diana's lasso shot past, trying to snare him. His hand twisted, locked onto the golden rope and yanked.

_Hard._

Hauled forward, a punch thundered into the Amazon's jaw and smashed her into the ground below. A follow-up kick launched a charging Supergirl down to join her fellow heroine. Once more the now-orange-clad streets of Metropolis burst before them, asphalt and pavement shattering like glass at their backs.

Groaning, Kara extricated herself from the crater, her cape int tatters. Diana stumbled out after her, slightly dazed, ears a-ringing. The booming laughter certainly didn't help. Skies darkened overhead, the once sunny, bright afternoon day turning dark as pitch as they looked on; as the blond descended to meet them, drifting through the air like a falling leaf.

"Tala!" Naruto barked. "Stay out of this. I think I'll do this myself."

Kara gulped.

"This...isn't good."

Naruto was already moving, accelerating, shooting downward like a falling comet.

"Here we go, 'ttebayo!"

_Then he pounced!_

**A/N: There we go! A grey Naruto who delights in one thing and one thing only. CHAOS! Well, that and women, but its the chaos that counts lol Now he's fighting two Superheroes and winning quite handily, just for shits and giggles! He's not quite a good guy, but he isn't bad, either. He's here to have fun, nothing more. As to the relationships, well, we dive into that full throttle next chapter. I have been quite pleased with all the votes and ideas thus far, and its going to be a good harem, but realistic. **

**I.e. It isn't going to have like fifty girls in it. That would be insane. I'm thinking more along the lines of ten, tops. So keep right on voting!**

**So...in the Immortal Words Atlas..**

**...Review, Would You Kindly? And of course, enjoy the preview! Someone suggested this, so I just had to roll with it. You wanted a prank war, friend? YOU GOT ONE!**

**(Preview)**

_Naruto rose slowly, chuckling._

_"Now, that wasn't very nice," he mused, frowning down at his acid scorched limb. "I do believe you ruined a perfectly good arm. Ah, well. YOINK!" To the Joker's disbelief the blond simply ripped the arm away and grew a new one, utterly unfazed by the fact that he'd just ruined his outfit. And he'd thought the Bat was bonkers!_

_"Welll...that's crazy!"_

_"Crazy, huh?" Something familiar flashed in those slitted eyes. "And what would you know about crazy?"_

_The Clown Prince of Crime actually pretended to consider that for a moment. Then he snorted._

_"You know what, kid. I like you. Whaddya say to a little game?"_

_Naruto's grin was positively beatific._

_"Prank war?"_

_"Eh, I was thinking more of a crime spree, but hey, that works!"_

_Both men cackled._

_"MAY THE BEST MAN WIN!"_

**R&amp;R! =D**


	3. Prank, meet Prankster!

**A/N:****Yoyoyoyoyoyo! Miss me, guys?**

_...A joke is only a joke...if you get... the punchline right."_

_~?_

**Prank, meet Prankster!**

_All hail me!_

_Oh, I'm sorry...that's...that's just priceless!_

_You gotta understand; its been ages since I've pranked. Or even been pranked. When you're dead, you don't really care about those things. Or much of anything, really. Time is up and in turn up is down-or was it east? Ah, there, you see what I mean?! Dying makes you all kinda of crazy! And CONQUERING death, grabbing that old reaper by the throat and throttling him until he foams at the mouth. Waking up again, realizing that you have a new life, a new chance, a new OPPORTUNITY to do whatever you want..._

_So yes, pranking spree was the first thing that came to mind._

_Being dead also gives one time to think._

_For example, I met another ME in Tartarus. Different version, different powers, even a different look! Not enough orange! Said he was visiting. Bastard didn't even stay for tea. Now, I know what you're thinking: Naruto, how can you meet another YOU in hell? Well, I'll tell you how. He wasn't me! NOT! ME! A right and proper churl he was, him and that strange, orange-eyed girl he had with him._

_Ah, but I digress. Back to my plans. And what lovely plans they are!_

_I'd never painted a city before until Metropolis. Its been ages since I did something that massive. Hmm...I wonder what I should do next? The possibilities are endless of course -I know that- but the idea of there being beings that I can now fight on equal terms, without having to worry about any supernatural entity trying to pull an "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" when I'm not looking. You know what that means, don't you? Sweet freedom! Freedom to whatever I want...whatever...I...want..._

_...oooh, what fun I'm going to have! So let me ask you this, you who are reading my journal._

_Why?_

_So._

**_SERIOUS?!_**

* * *

"I cannot believe you did that."

For a long moment there was silence in the warehouse, broken only by the intermittent crackle of an arc welder, sparks skittering wildly across the room. Moments after their birth they found themselves extinguished to nothingness; bent inward by some unseen force, painting themselves across the wide walls and ceiling before melding into the metal itself. Tala observed this strange, eldritch process with equal parts concern and . As though deflected by some unseen force.

What the devil was he doing?

Having left Metropolis behind in favor of Central City, the blond had promptly claimed the first warehouse they'd come across and set to work. Doing...what, exactly? She didn't understand the strange runes/symbols he seemed so intent upon carving into the four walls and ceiling of their "base" as it were; nay, she could scarcely see the point of it all. Why?

Did he honestly intend to set up shot here, in the speedster's territory? Was he trying to provoke another fight?

"Master?" she tried, pale eyes narrowing. "You never answered my question."

"Did what?" Even when he finally responded those blue eyes remained riveted to the table, hidden behind bright orange goggles. "Paint the city orange? Flood Cadmus with ramen? Give Wonderwoman and Supergirl the ass-kicking of a lifetime? I mean, I've done a lot of things since I woke up, love You're gonna have to be more specific if you expect me to answer that question. Ah, ah, ah, Tala-chaaan~!" He exclaimed suddenly, finger wagging as she sought to raise a hand against him, "Zap me again and you get another spanking!"

The sorceress's face purpled to match her hair.

_Curse this tie that bound her to him!_

Really, could she have expected any less? Naruto was as single-minded as they came; he existed only to do as he pleased.

Naruto hummed softly to himself, unflinching as a series of sparks arced up to spray across his face. What wasn't covered seemed to heal almost instantly, flesh knitting itself back together even as he injured himself at this strange, manic pace.

"Now, what was your questions?"

"Those women...you beat them senseless and hung them by their...

...by their underpants, yes." Naruto answered, waving a dismissive hand. "They're going to have one hell of a wedgie when they wake up."

_"If _they wake up."

"No, when. Now let me focus on my blasted seals, woman!"

"Seals?"

"Yup." Naruto looked up from the delicate array he was writing, pausing only to make another stroke on the chakra tag. "Turns out I'm pretty good with 'em." his broad shoulders rolled in a slight shrug. "Then again, I'm sure when you've had as long to practice as I have, you get good at just about everything. They can distort time, create barriers, do things that not even my powers can."

"Why not use them, then?"

"Oh, my sweet, sweet girl," his voice suddenly fell soft, like smoke rolling through liquid honey, snaking through her ears. "You've just given me a lovely idea!"

Tala bit back the urge to duck, but then she saw it.

He was smiling.

That this man was now directing such a smile at _her_ nearly made the poor woman soiled herself outright!

"Sooo...what are you doing exactly, master?" Tala frowned.

He jerked up from his table, scowling. "Pretty sure I told you not to call me that. But you aren't going to listen, are you?"

"No." she replied in a heavy accent, folding both arms across her bosom. "Now, tell me, what is ze plan?"

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan?" Naruto chuckled, flicking up his goggles to expose those wry, wintery eyes. "You know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! You know, I just do things!" He flung his hands up, as though he were a prophet beseeching the heavens. "It will be glorious!" Spinning around her he kissed her fiercely, mouth molding against hers with a fierceness that all but left her breathless. Then he was gone again, darting past her. "Because lets face it-life's no fun when you can't do what you want! We'll go wherever we please!"

"And we are going where...?"

Just like that, his mercurial smile vanished, replace by a sly cackle.

"To this Gotham city you've told me about. I here the smog is quite lovely this time of year."

The silence was telling. Tala gulped, dreading it.

"You...Surely you don't mean...?"

"But of course I do!"

"Oh, dear."

* * *

_(Three days later...)_

_**"WHERE. IS. HE?!"**_

"Oh, bats! So good of you to drop in-ha! Right in the spine! Joker laughed merrily as Batman barreled into him, slamming him against the wall with bonecrushing force. Broken glass from the window crunched beneath their feet, the harsh_ pop-pop-pop_ sound distantly reminding him of the fireworks he'd just set off over city. Lovely, simple fireworks-filled with nothing more dangerous than hot air. _He_ had been right, pull a few pranks and the bat came running, fast as he could.

Sure enough, he'd finally found him, three days later, and come busting through his hideout like a bat out of hell-ha!-demanding answers. Answers Joker had no intention of giving. Nope! Not a peep! Not a word! Not so much as a teeny squeak! Ordinarily he'd have much enjoyed baiting his old foe, but today? Oh, no no no no no! Why, doing that would ruin the joke!

He was having too much fun!

"You know," he began, coughing, _"He_ told me you sound more like an owl than a bat."

_"Who?!"_

"Bahahahahahahaha!" The clown prince of crime only laughed even harder at this slop, doubling over with a dry wheeze. A fist collided with his jaw. He only laughed harder. "See, there it is! You fell for it! Hook line and sinker!"

_Crunch._

Grunting, he shook his head against the roundhouse as it powered into his jaw.

"I'll break you in half!"

Clenched knuckles tightened around the collar of his purple suit, aching to squeeze the life out of him. And Joker, sly, sweet, silly Joker, only laughed harder. "Don't be so grim, batsy! If you had the guts for that kind of fun you'd have done it years ago! _I_ on the other hand!" With a sleight of hand and just a touch of misdirection, the knife slid into his palm. Shot forward. Once. Twice. Three times.

_THUD!_

_THUD!_

**_THUD!_**

Batman grunted in surprise as each swing of the stabbing blade slid under his ribs, piercing flesh. Bone.

He slumped, groaning, clutching at the woundfingers falling slack.

A kick barreled into his face and in the next instant, _he _was the one on the ground, moaning.

"We've got you all hot and bothered under the cowl, don't we? Ohhh, don't be stoic, of course we do!" Joker hummed driving home a snapping kick to the ribs, "And we haven't even killed anyone...yet, of course! But you're so terrified of me and my new partner; so here you are, grasping at straws! Picking at pieces that aren't even there! You know, it'd be funny if it weren't so pathetic...ah, what the hell." he shrugged, guffawing. "I'll laugh anyway!"

"YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?!"

"Why, yes!"

"If this continues, people will DIE, Joker!"

The clown prince paused, tilted his head, considered those words.

Then, abruptly, he snickered.

"Heh. Hehehehehehehehe..." It started out deep and booming, the cackle of a mad jester. "...ehehahahahahahaHAHAHAHA!" Then, abruptly, it jumped three octaves, leaping into an insane shriek that left would've left any sane man's hair standing on end, his skin arippling in goose flesh, body soiling itself as Joker's voice skipped into an insane shriek. The inane clapping didn't certainly didn't help either, the harsh sound of his palms smacking together with a harsh, continuous pop of sound.

Batman only glowered.

It was the angriest Joker had ever seen him, the most frightening, terrifying sound he'd ever heard.

It had all started with an honest little wager...

* * *

_(Flashback)_

_"GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!"_

_A bright figure erupted through the glass window in much the way batman had, grinning like a madman._

_Joker barely looked up from his plans._

_"Yes, yes, yes," he hummed, waving a hand. "I'll be with you in a minute. Not a bad entrance, but if you're trying to be the bat, you've got the colors wrong-ow." A knife whisked across his cheek, opening a thin slice of red across his cheek. Starting, he touched a hand to the scarlet droplets, sluicing now down his cheek, red against white. A scowl twisted at his pallid features. Raising his gaze at last, he glowered at the intruder, in all his bright, neon glory._

_"Well, now that's just rude."_

_"I came all the way here to see you." the stranger replied, frowning, lowering an arm. "Didn't want to be ignored. One prankster to another."_

_"And I suppose you're going to call this meeting fate, then."_

_"Funny you should ask."_

_"You know, fate is a funny thing." the stranger chuckled, taking a seat opposite him. "Its always plucking at you, tearing at you, ripping you apart." his fingers pushed together, like claws tearing at the wall. "And then, you meet someone who changes your life. And you feel that you don't even know who you are any more. Isn't it funny how one little encounter can CLEAVE off little pieces of your past, DEFORM all your memories and persona until you rethink your whole identity – and as you realize how foolish it all is – your LAUGHTER reverberates off the wall of your own emptiness."_

_Hmmm...hadn't he heard those words before?_

_"Not a bad manifesto. Anything else to add?"_

_"As a matter of fact-YEOW!"_

_A spurt of acid interrupted him, sending him yelping to the ground._

_Joker sighed, taking his hand away from the flower at his vest._

_"Well, that was anti cilmactic."_

_As if to mock those very words, his victim rose slowly, chuckling._

_"Now, that wasn't very nice," he mused, frowning down at his acid scorched limb. "I do believe you ruined a perfectly good arm. Ah, well. YOINK!" To the Joker's disbelief the blond simply ripped the arm away and grew a new one, utterly unfazed by the fact that he'd just ruined his outfit. And he'd thought the Bat was bonkers!_

_"Now, don't be like that! We've only just begun! _

_"Now, ain't that crazy..._

_"Crazy, huh?" Something familiar flashed in those slitted eyes. "And what would you know about crazy?"_

_The Clown Prince of Crime actually pretended to ponder that for a moment. Then he snorted._

_"You know what, kid. I like you. You've got moxy, breaking in like this. Whaddya say to a little game?"_

_Naruto's grin was positively beatific._

_"Prank war?"_

_"Eh, I was thinking more of a crime spree, but hey, that works!"_

_Both men cackled._

_"MAY THE BEST MAN WIN!"_

_(End Flashback!)_

* * *

"What did you do?!"

Joker cackled, leering as Batman's voice pulled him from the memory.

"I didn't do anything! We, on the other hand...

"Ah, ah, ah, batsy! Its not about what's good for you, or Gotham, or even me! Its all about the punchline! Don't you see?" Cocking his head, the clown gave his old adversary a timeless grin. "I haven't had this much fun in ages! You, however...oh dear."

_Damnit._

The Dark Knight didn't have the strength to resist as Joker rolled him over. For a terrifying moment, he thought the mad clown was going to unmask him but now, Joker merely took hold of his right arm, tugging his prone body towards a large X-shapred markon the floor. Trapped, helpless to move, he could only raise his head in defiance as his enemy relentlessly tugged him onward toward the strange marking. No matter how hard he tried, he simply couldn't bring himself to shake free. Bleeding out...weak...no strength...

"Say, you don't look so good!" Almost distantly, as though from far, far away, he heard his archnemesis speak. "Why don't you take a load off? A vacation! Put up your feet and just_...relax."_ Reaching across, he pulled a lever.

Beneath him, Bruce felt a dull, ponderous clanking sound as something gave away underneath his back.

That was all the Bat heard before the ground-trapdoor?!-gave way beneath his feet. Free falling.

"Careful, Bats! Its not the fall that kills you!" Joker called down to him! "Its...

_...the sudden stop."_

Mad laughter echoed throughout Gotham.

"I'LL BE IN TOUCH!"

**A/N: There we go! A grey Naruto who delights in one thing and one thing only. CHAOS! Well, that and women, but its the chaos that counts lol Now he's fighting two Superheroes and winning quite handily, just for shits and giggles! He's not quite a good guy, but he isn't bad, either. He's here to have fun, nothing more. As to the relationships, well, we dive into that full throttle next chapter. I have been quite pleased with all the votes and ideas thus far, and its going to be a good harem, but realistic. **

**I.e. It isn't going to have like fifty girls in it. That would be insane. I'm thinking more along the lines of ten, tops. So keep right on voting!**

**So...in the Immortal Words Atlas..**

**...Review, Would You Kindly? And of course, enjoy the preview! Someone suggested this, so I just had to roll with it. You wanted a prank war, friend? YOU GOT ONE! And a lot MORE. WE GET TO SEE THE PRANK WAR IN FULL NEXT CHAPTER!**

**(Preview)**

_"Well...this is unexpected."_

_"I'll say." Joker nudged the corpse with a foot warily, almost afraid the creature would lunge up and bite him. "Bats? Ohhhhh baaaaaatsy?" Beneath his boot, Batman didn't budge. His face, still set in a rictus of a savage grin, his mouth still bloody from the flesh of his last victim, didn't even twitch. The gaping hole in his head had put him down. For good this time. Odd. Joker should feel happy. He'd finally bonked the bat. Only...why did he feel so empty inside?_

_"Misah...J..."_

_"No, no, Harley," he muttered, pushing the shambling figure away from him when she tried to approach. "Not now. Don't need you biting me again. Can't you see I'm busy?!"_

_"Busy, indeed." A voice remarked from the rafters. "Ready to admit defeat?"_

_"You!"  
_

_"Yes, me, what did-oh." __Naruto groaned as he alighted beside him, facepalimg now as he saw the bodies. "Lovely. Just lovely You killed the world's greatest detective. I hope you're happy."_

_"OF COURSE I'M NOT HAPPY!" growling, the comeback kind swung about, stabbing a finger in the blond's face. "__There's no punchline! This is all your fault, anyway!"_

_"ME?! You AGREED to the prank war!"_

_"I wasn't expecting zombies as a result, you twit! Fix it! That's what you do, right? Undo things! NOW DO IT!"_

_"Hmmm...no."  
_

_...WHAT?!"_

_Blue eyes shone with devilish delight._

_"Admit you lost, first."_

**_Urk._**

_Joker nearly joked on his own spit._

**HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?! Find out next time! BE SURE AND STAY TUNED FOR MORE HILARITY! **

**R&amp;R! =D**


End file.
